Differences in grieving.

Grief seems to be the theme for 2022 in my family. (What’s left of us.)

When dad died, I could safely say that given how closely we worked together every day, nothing was left unsaid. Closure was swift and I could get to the business at hand. I knew him as well as anyone, save for mom. The knowledge about who he was gave me all the strength I needed to attend to the affairs. He was gone, but I had his strength to carry on.

When my brother died, I could safely say that there was nothing left to say. We’ve exhausted all of the “should have” and “could have” conversations. Closure was something I had 20 years ago when I saw much of his life was going to be a foregone conclusion. This isn’t a conclusion that others can come to easily, but they didn’t have to be a party to his fall. The best lessons I learned because of him were all what not to do, and what the attendant consequences look like. I am grateful that his burning out could light a fire or two within me to be proactive.

It’s a mess of a year but the sun still rises and falls every day. I still have a life in front of me and boundless freedom to do as I see fit. There is work to do but I have both of these men’s strength to bolster me.

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