Mid-life crisis management.

The title is just a funny imaginary position I thought of. Someone who is a mid-level manager who specializes in mid-life crises. They would just oversee all of your actions and make sure they comply with all known standard practices for any mid-life crisis. They’d report to the company how you were performing within the bounds of said standard practices.

Are you pursuing a meaningless relationship with someone half your age?
Are you working toward a completely impractical vehicle of some sort? (Substitute any shiny status object in place of this.)
Are you drastically overhauling your appearance in some way to try and regain the youth which has evaded you for decades?
Are you trying to “reignite” the passion of a long dead and buried marriage?
Are you considering a complete departure from your career trajectory to something exotic?
Are you ignoring all of the signs that happiness is not at the end of the road you’ve spent the past 30 years on?

Depending how your score in this and other metrics, you’ll be given instructions how to achieve an optimal mid-life crisis experience. The entire purpose of the position is to help someone destroy their own life for the foreseeable future.

Other than the fact that it’s management, I’d love to do the job. Steer people toward the cliff and help them press the gas, Thelma and Louise style.

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