There will be no compromise for me in my goal to live the life I want. Every time I even begin to consider settling for less, the pit in my stomach opens up and swallows the notion. Something inside of me rejects any reality in which I settle.

I have to acknowledge that this is the same part of me that is making me feel uneasy about my ability to provide for the real world concerns of my loved ones. But the part of a normal (?) person that shoves desire down and buries it isn’t in me anywhere. In my mind, if I am not living the life I want to live, I will only have a fraction of myself to give to the people that matter to me. This division makes me feel weak, like I’m no real help to anyone in this state.

So I reject any form of resignation. The only thing that is inevitable is death, the rest is infinitely malleable