I spend entirely too much time in my own head bemoaning the direction my life has taken. None of this does me any good but it can be a hard trap to free yourself from.

I am 42 and I need to figure out what I want my life to be about because all it had been about for decades is no longer relevant. That life doesn’t exist any more, so I am left to build one from nothing. I am unmoored and drifting and I am ready to right this proverbial ship once more.

The nothingness is daunting, though. I fail to see an ideal direction to take so I do nothing. I focus on a task or series of tasks, look up, and hours have passed. No meaningful progress has been made in achieving traction, and I feel once again discouraged. The days blend together in a meaningless cycle and it makes me question whether this is all there is or not.

There are so many different lives being lived by others right now and I can’t help but think that many of them are waking up to a dream every day. I would be happy with that being the case for any portion of time.

Some days are better than others. Today isn’t great.