The past week has been an absolute blur here and it seems like everywhere else, too.

I would be remiss if I didn’t discuss the elephant in the room that is Biden officially dropping out of the race for president and supporting Kamala Harris to be the nominee. Over the past few years, I had growing suspicions that Biden’s mental health was in decline and that the party was doing everything in their power to keep that quiet. After seeing an increasing amount of gaffes this year and a truly disastrous debate performance, the party finally spoke up and started urging Biden to end his campaign.

Mercifully, Biden made the most difficult decision of his political career and did as he was asked (or told, depending on who it was). It was an act of bravery the likes of which most of us will never have to perform, and for that, he has my respect. But on the flip side of that coin is the fact that the party could have spent the past four years elevating an appropriate candidate that would win against Trump by default. Now they are scrambling to mount a campaign for the de facto and soon-to-be anointed nominee Harris, having about four MONTHS to achieve what takes years.

The whole thing is a complete fucking circus and it has only bolstered my opinions about opting out of American politics entirely in the only way I can. I will not be voting again. With my limited knowledge of the inner workings of our system of government, I can see plainly that the popular vote means nothing. A democrat has won the last four elections by that metric, with one giant orange smear in 2016 when Trump won the election despite losing the popular vote by nearly 3 million. The electoral college makes the decision based loosely on the way the people voted, but they have the authority to go whichever way they like. That is exactly what happened in 2016, and historically speaking, it was a big deal. Through a little Google-fu, I’ve looked into this and discovered that this has only happened five times since our inception as a nation. And of all of the times for the fifth instance to occur, it had to be when the country had been divided at it’s worst, and broke in favor of a candidate who has become a stain on our legacy as a great nation.

Now we have candidate Harris, who could break every record worth noting if she wins. I want nothing more than for her to win and drive home the message that women deserve a seat at every table because we need to move past this insane notion that they are somehow less than men. I am afraid we aren’t there as a country and in the event that she loses, women will suffer a backlash because the alternative is a sexist, xenophobic, demagogue. Further more, if he wins, I can foresee the end of American democracy in short order. If either party achieves a majority in Congress alongside the presidency, it is a chance for them to shape policy for decades, for better or worse.

If the Republican party of today achieves this, they will create a system that benefits predominantly wealthy white men and ensures they will stay in power for as long as possible. I can see a truly dark time in our country if this becomes the case, one where it’s not impossible to imagination our past coming back to harm us in the form of increased racial and politically motivated violence.

If the Democratic party of today achieves this, they will run the country straight into bankruptcy under the guise of doing the most good for the greatest number of people. Necessary but liberal social spending will cause us to have to start printing money and the myriad pitfalls of this strategy will become painfully obvious during our freefall into another depression.

Neither party is fit to lead, but we can only seem to operate with all or nothing logic here. Compromise went out the window decades ago, and what used to be an occasional news item about the goings on in Washington is now 99% of the news coverage. We can all see that they just want to argue and get paid to do it, but instead of burning the whole thing down, we choose a side and hurl blame because it’s all we can hope to do to help. The blame is meaningless and so is the arguing.

I have zero faith in a positive outcome during this election cycle, and having spent the last few cycles sick to my stomach casting my vote, I have decided this is a sickness I can avoid. Fuck both of these candidates and our government in general, I’m out.

Of much more pressing concern were the events happening on the home front. We hosted a gathering the past weekend and had over around a dozen people, so weeks and months of preparation culminated at long last in a successful and fun evening. By the time the weekend was over, I was completely and utterly drained and hadn’t slept well either, leading to a Sunday full of naps and recovery. The very next day, family from out of state was visiting and I spent two days preparing meals for everyone and genuinely being involved in conversations. It was all at once energizing and depleting, and I have found my stores of social energy once again near the bottom.

We have a few days of nothing happening now and I’m grateful for the reset, but I can still sense that things are off all around. I know I’m still recovering so I’ll chalk it up to that and take my rest as it comes.