I find that I write for different levels of consumption.

When I first started, I was writing to myself, for myself. This writing is pen and paper in a journal style writing. The only people who see this are the few people inside my circle. I consider this privileged information, not in the “keep this secret from the world” way, more in the “I grant this privilege to you, to occupy my headspace with me”. I don’t do this as much any more, and have found pen and paper to be too cumbersome for maintaining any kind of consistency.

This blog is the next level, a open valve of my stream of consciousness. As ideas come up, I post them. Through this medium, I distill the diamonds from all the rough stuff and try to hone them into more perfect versions of an idea. This has provided me the most consistent means of getting the words out of my head and into the world. I’ll admit it is verbose, but it’s just an open channel. Direct communication from my mind to the pages of this blog.

The third level is the sort of thing that is acceptable for public consumption at large. I only have one thing that I’m currently working on that is in this category. This is, however, an important milestone for my development. I need to create something like this that has my best attempt at refinement. If I hope to reach a larger audience, I need to create a product worth consuming. I have an understanding that the first two levels listed aren’t really going to make a living for me. This third level is crucial to take the starvation out of my choice of art.

I have some very real concerns that I am too contrarian to create anything at the third level. I knew that there would be some pushing against myself to create but thinking about pushback from the world at large is a different beast altogether. It isn’t that I’m bothered by opinions, it is that the idea of constant confrontation doesn’t suit me. I write in a manner that is provocative, and that is going to get me into bad faith arguments. Both sides will be trenched and never budge, and I’ll have to let bygones be all the time. My inner lawyer is screaming “ARGUE!” but I will have to listen to the voice and let it pass.

Writing should be a conversation, and if I push everyone out who means well, then I abandon the quest for more information. Even the kind of information I might disagree with.