There arises a keen sense that I have much to reduce. Despite my best efforts, there is a great deal of mental clutter I trip over daily that I’d do well to remove. All of these longings for more need a good listen to see if they possess any merit or if they should be tossed aside.
I imagine myself to be a simple person, pursuing a simple life. But even this kind of pursuit is deceptively complicated. It seems that the more one tries to simplify, the more variables appear as new obstacles in the path. Defining what simplicity actually consists of may be useful so this is an attempt to do so.
Chief among my needs is to return to a state of freedom from debt. Everything in life gets easier when you don’t have this weight to carry at all times. I’ve been carrying this weight for over a year now and the underlying value behind it has figuratively and literally passed. Now it is just a hollow burden. It’s as though I’m carrying a giant empty safe: zero money inside but it’s still heavy as hell. The times I have spent free of this debt have been some of the lightest I’ve experienced and I need to return to them.
Work for the sake of working doesn’t interest me and it is hard to shake the understanding of how this will sound to anyone who matters to me. It’s going to make me sound like a lazy, entitled, child. But I am none of that. Given work that I see possesses merit, I am happy to do it. Time seems to fly with this kind of work. If work is solely for the sake of material gain beyond what is necessary, it is superfluous to me as a matter of course. I am not asking that anyone take care of me, and I accept responsibility for whatever sort of life this affords me. If my perceived needs change and more is required of me, then I’ll adjust my efforts according to those needs. Otherwise I will spend my time concerned with living a life in accordance with my values.
My relationships are few in number and this is in keeping with my desire for simplicity. Each relationship is complex, rich with nuance. Any relationship seen as passing or unnecessary is disregarded as quickly as is reasonable. I’ve no time to suffer fools, and I’ll let any fool in the way know so we can both make better use of our time.
As previously mentioned, I maintain few possessions and consistently audit my surroundings to make sure things stay this way. Peace of mind really does look like empty space in my surroundings. A simple collection of useful items and very little beyond what is necessary. The whole of my clothing wardrobe is hilariously simple and what might be termed utilitarian. Anyone with proper fashion sense would certainly label it as dull but it doesn’t even cross my mind as a concern. I treat my wardrobe as a uniform: one step to be completed without thought every day so I can move to more pressing concerns.
Even now as I try and wrap my mind around what simplicity is, the problem seems to grow in scale. Any attempt to grasp it seems futile. The irony of simplicity is how impossible it can seem to achieve.
Or maybe I’m overthinking things…