Feast or famine.

Life on this side of the employment grind has far fewer headaches but there are still necessities that require attending to. My working career was in a business that was completely dependent upon the cooperation of the weather and that made us all accustomed to the “feast or famine” mentality.

I always likened this to being in over your head in some body of water. Drown, gasp for air, rinse, repeat. The drowning causes all kinds of stupid behavior money-wise and has long lasting effects. That’s if it doesn’t just kill you outright, of course. The phrase “scared money don’t make money” applies here. If you’re worried about making a payroll every week just to stay afloat, you’ll do stupid things to make sure it gets covered.

In my postmortem inspection of the business it was apparent that we played this game all the time, and it never really improved. It changed appearance over the years but the bad behavior was underneath it all the whole time. Now that I’m free of all of the business burdens, I have to make sure that the bad behavior isn’t anywhere in me personally. This would make me a problem for anyone near and dear to me.

I’m in the process of shoring up debts used to fund this expensive hobby, and once the debts are paid, closing the accounts. I have found myself disillusioned by the lose-lose game of maintaining a credit score once again. I looked at one of my statements and at the minimum payment it will take me 35 years to pay off. This jarred me out of my complacency to drastic action, but that is what is required to change.

All of this struggle in the name of a business that would have taken my life too. No thanks, I’ll be getting off this ride now.

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