Busy work.

I’ve been occupying my hands and therefore my mind lately with work refinishing doors. This has allowed me to figuratively paint myself into some corners and wrestle with my place in the world.

It’s a given but I’ll say it anyway, this conflict happens entirely within the confines of my headspace. But this can come out in the way I interact with the people I am around every day. It is more often than not in a less than desirable fashion. Frustration presents itself as silence but I’m already a fairly quiet person so this gives zero clues to onlookers.

Contentment evades me but it might be because I am so dead set on attaining it. In an attempt at objective observation of my surroundings, I see there is much to be content about. Still I get the feeling that some one thing will flip this switch that I rationally understand doesn’t exist. That’s a feeling which is nearly impossible to let go of. Subsequent attempts to extricate myself from this feeling have been futile.

I remain an optimist, smothered by the reality of a world I don’t really fit into.

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